Mady's Special God Moment

God, You are so good!! We are so excited at this very moment! Thank You for sending Dr. Erica and baby Adeleine down our street.

Yesterday, after schooling and reading part of Kisses from Katie, Madyson, you set out to accomplish a task- designing a "Donations for Africa" sign to put on our front porch. Sure I was a little reluctant to allow you  to stand on our porch and aimlessly hold a sign, but it was your way of obeying God's prompting to help others.

As I worked on lessons for today, you were upstairs digging and rounding up stuff. I could hear quite a ruckus. You came downstairs with a stack of Barbie clothes that you decided you would sell instead of people just having to donate. You were crying when you told me that you do not want -a-thing for
Christmas. You described to me that everything you would usually get should be sent to Africa. I believe your exact words were, "Momma, I have everything I need and want, they don't even have what they need. Please, Momma tell everyone to send my gifts to Africa."

I explained that actually, if they trust in Jesus, they have more than we do. They have total and complete dependence on God. When they ask God for their daily bread, they mean it, no distractions, no overabundance of choices which leads to sin. They are in absolute reliance of God, what a beautiful place to be, "So, do not worry, saying what shall we eat or what shall we drink or what shall we wear. For the pagans run after all these things and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His Kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well."  

Sissy, that is the key- seeking Him first. When you have no one else to depend on, seeking God to provide becomes real. Where we live, many Christians could decide to forsake Christ and leave Him, and  their daily lives would look just the same as when they called themselves believers. Because of being able to accomplish "stuff" on our own, we often don't rely on God. But His desire, no His command is to seek Him first, then He'll bless you and His blessings are not always American dollars. We cannot fathom all the kinds of blessings available when we seek God above all.

What do ya know, as you were holding that sign, God did something AMAZING. He sent a doctor on a walk down our street. She and her baby, Adeleine, decided to stop in and ask what you were using your donations for. You explained that you are saving to build a water well in Ethiopia. She said, "Guess what, I've been to Africa to build water wells and practice medicine, I can tell you a few things about it!" After our visit, she donated some money and we ran inside and jumped around with excitement. We've never met someone who inspired us and encouraged us that this process was really not terribly difficult.....so Momma's ready. Mady, once again, your heart and persistence has inspired me. Water well money, you will be headed to Africa in no time!

I love your bubble letters and your sweet sign, sure it was peiced together in a hurry. When the Good Lord tells you to do something, you don't piddle:) You went straight to work and got her done. And, Mika made one too, it is pretty funny!

 God, thank You for working in my girls' lives. They will never forget how the timing played out for Dr. Erica to walk by; it had to be You.

Celebrating Momma!

I LOVE RAINBOWS!! So Mady colored one and left it by my bedside!

Mady, you wanted this letter to surprise me on Mother's Day morning, but little sis ruined it  and spilled the beans early....you were so upset that you cried. You wanted the breakfast to wake me up. I love this letter; your heart is so sweet.

Mika, you  made me toast! yum!

Mady, you brought up chocolate milk and a slice of cinnamon apple butter braid.

 I'll never forget these words from Mady, "Momma you serve us all day, everyday...today it is our turn to serve you. I'm serious Momma, you work so hard for us, you are the best."  My eyes filled with tears and I was so thankful to be your Mom.

Okay, don't judge. I do believe these swings are for children with special needs, but they are just so fun. When we are alone at the park, the girls take advantage of them.

Yeah, Yeah, I kind of like em too!

Mady brought her dolls to the park and mothered them so well:) Btw, I love this man in the background. He is always behind the scenes making this family work. I'm indebted to him, yet he doesn't make me feel that way.

Mika's little stroller made tons of racket as we walked the loop around the park. She didn't mind one bit!

Mady chose to jog with her twins in tow because she said she wanted to be a 'healthy momma.'

Lastly, I was surprised with this tablet. It is basically a faster version of the I-pad; it has four "brains" instead of two. It is super fast and I have access to amazon and nook apps. As well as all the cool stuff the I-pad can do. I love going against name-brands (will not pay for a name), so when Chris found this, he jumped on it. I LOVE IT, but totally don't feel worthy of a technology toy.

Mother's Day was really sweet for me this year. Red Lobster for lunch is never a bad deal either, we all enjoyed that. I loved telling you girls the story of finding out we were having each of you. You listened eagerly as I shared accounts and how I feel like no gifts are necessary on this day. We should simply celebrate you girls' being given to me; you are my gifts. My cup runneth over...

My Pity-Party Week

So, the last few days I've completely skipped out on schooling the girls. Why, one may ask? Well, this is all due to brain overload.

• Homeschool Curriculum for next year: Heart of Dakota vs Veritas Press

This has plagued me day and night. I am not able to function outside of thinking about these two programs...one provides a seriously Christ-centered day, the other teaches history the way I like, English the way I've taught it, and my Mom's favorite math program. I literally read review after review after review and felt lost. Then, one pro-homeschool momma said, "Why don't you take a step back, start from square one, and ask yourself why you are homeschooling to begin with." So, that is what I did. The reason I prayed for God to open the door for us to homeschool was so that I could build my daughter's up in wisdom and give them a Christ-centered day. End of discussion....I then figured out that my Christ-centered curriculum allows for subsititutions and I can use my favorite English approach, I can use my Momma's favorite Math, and if I end up feeling history is inadequate, at least I'll know I gave the God-focused program a shot! After talking to Mom, she helped me come back to at least trying this option; if I'd never tried the full-blown everything relates back to God approach, I would spend my entire life wondering how it would of worked. I guess what boggled me was that I want the girls to be SUPER SMART and I know I can bring our learning back to God, even if it's not written into the curriculum. But like my Momma said, if I don't at least give this curriculum a shot, I'll never know how they may have grown in wisdom with it!


Do you see, do you see the way I go back and forth? I've never known anyone to be so indecisive and frankly, I'm mad that I carry this trait.

• Next question I can't stop pondering: "What am I doing for the kingdom of God BESIDES trying to raise up Godly daughters?"

I am aware that I cannot work my way to heaven, however, if we really want to do what the men who walked with Jesus did, we will not settle for just a normal existance...just loving our own and feeling slap-knee happy about it. Don't get me wrong, I love where I am at this phase, but what about everyone else who doesn't. When I look around and see people, humans, folks that were created and are loved by God just existing and hurting from circumstances, I cannot help but to lose the fuzzy warm feelings I have about how "oh-so-wonderful" life is. I'm supposed care for these people and bless  these people because God  saved and blessed me divinely. What am I doing for them?? What could I do for them? What am I not doing for them? The thought is constant and I need God to breathe peace over me.

• As if these musings don't fill my mind enough, how about finding a faith family?

I'm at a loss...I've only tried one worship service and I liked it, but Chris felt the lesson was a little "light." When you come from a Jim-Bob Baker teaching, to anything else it just really can't compare. Still yet, my mind should say, "ask not what the church can do for you, but what you can do for the church..." 

So, with all these issues floating around in my brain, phone calls don't cut it. I'm admitting I miss talking face to face with my family. I have been SSSSOOOOO strong with this move and really, I enjoy being here in PA, I just need my momma, my daddy, my sister-aunt, and my seesters. They understand that I create problems in my head and know how to say, "Turn off your brain for a minute, geez!" And, Chris is working nights this week and so daytime is sleep-time...otherwise, I would spend time infecting his brain with my weirdo-ness.

UPDATE: PRAYERS for Chris, it appears he'll be heading back to Angola sometime this summer.


This is the secular song I've been feeding my brain because of my self-induced turmoil:

Running From Me lyrics

Say a prayer for me, cause I can barely breath. I’m suffering, and I can’t take it.

Because of me, no one will ever see, this side of me, if I don’t make it,

Its like I can't wake up, its like I cant get up

its like I cant remember who I used to be

am I running from you or am I running from me?

Clear a path for me, cause i can barely see,

I’m stumbling, and I can't shake it

it's up to me to save myself from me, my enemy but I can't face it.

Its like I can't wake up, its like I cant get up

its like I cant remember who I used to be

am I running from you or am I running from me?

I’m breaking out.

OKAY.....It's over, this Pity-Party is over and I'm gonna pray my way out of this funk and start claiming peace and hope. And, I think I may now know why I'm "emotionally stressed,"  I use a b.c. that keeps me from ovulating, but when I just (like 30 sec ago) used the restroom, nature decided to visit; its all making sense now!!!!!! sorry if that's tmi;)

Lafayette

Well, Christopher is safe and sound in Lafayette, LA at the moment. Tomorrow is quite a fun day for the man who enjoys risk-taking!! He will be dropped from a helicopter after it's been spinning around several times and he'll have to swim to shore. Then he'll be turned upside down in a simulation helicopter under water and have to break free from inside.....all of this is to earn his safety thingy-majig for off-shore drilling. I'm super excited for him. I know this is right up his alley; however, it does not change the fact that he has crossed my mind at least 1000 times in the 16 hours since I've seen him. I guess you could pretty much say that I am simply put, lovestruck by the man. I adore him and am thankful to God that our paths crossed and that relationships grow. 

Tee-balling Mika's way!

Mika Johnson, weighing in at 37 pounds, and 38 inches tall...she may be the smallest player on the team, but her spunk will carry her far!

Will she triumph or fold under the pressure of playing in the dirt???

There is no doubt, she has much support coming from the stands...

A teammate has already broke...

Mika battles inside to overcome the temptation to join in all the 'dirty' fun 

She takes her position...

 YAY! You moved your feet and went for a grounder, unlike Mommy who waited for the ball to come to me! I'm so proud of you!!

 Oh no, she's caving...And she gives in...the rock collecting spirit inside her succombs...we found four rocks in her back pocket later that night;) 

Batter up!

But 1st, a little more dirt diggin'!

Love you so much!

You were really trucking it....I had so much fun cheering you on...

Whether you were dirt-diggin---rock-collectin----talking-on-a-'cell phone'-----or really playing the game, you were smiling and so were we!

Crazy Love- finished!

Okay God, Seriously, why did You give Francis Chan this intimate knowledge, this very literal interpretation of Your commands? I mean come on, what am I suppose to do now? I was doing "just fine" seeking You to benefit me in this race of the American Dream....And what now? Sell all my stuff and give it to the poor....lack my own material possessions in an attempt to better the least of these...invite strangers into my house; even the ones who can't invite me back....I mean, really God?! Wait,  hold that thought,  You want me to get outside the walls of Christians and hit up the local cell blocks or travel outside these states to love others....WHAT?! there it is, right there it is:  Bam, like a smack to my face and my comfort: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU COMMAND OF ME!

Matthew 25: Jesus says, "I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me."................"I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, YOU DID NOT DO FOR ME...."

Now check this out: 1st John 3:16-20
¹⁶ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? ¹⁸ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
¹⁹ This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: ²⁰ If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Oh, Father God, I have let you down. I have denied Jesus time and time again as I store up more and more here and now while seeing the needs of others.  My heart is hard and so used to seeing people in need that w/o realizing it, I justify not helping. When I do help, its almost as if a sense of  "we've done enough for now, we're good for awhile" comes over me and  Father, I see that this is a detrimental factor in displaying Your Love. You even say it is possible that Your love and truth are not in those of us who don't help others...what am I doing God? Show me. Show me what I am to do, Father. And then provide the means for me to accomplish it, and provide the courage for me to go do it. Thank You, Jesus that You cover me, I am so unworthy of Your Love, but thankful, so thankful. I praise you for Francis Chan and the work he is doing for and through you. Amen.

Weapon of Mass Distraction:Deactivated!

Okay, well, I fianlly did it. I have temporarily deactivated Facebook...sure the doubts came rolling through my brain. The "you live so far away, your family/friends want to keep up with you," and "the girls do and say the silliest/sweetest things right now-the whole world needs to hear/see them," and "what about using your status to minister," and "what about you- facebook is your you-time...." These are the tidbits that have kept me from deactivating a year ago when I first became aware that I had a problem...Hello, My name is Stacy Johnson and I am addicted to Facebook...or my phone....or blogging, oh, heck, anything technological! All laughing matters aside, ya know that feeling of recently posted status syndrome, that inability to leave Facebook aside because the anticipation of what others will comment is simply too much? Well, I can't take it anymore. I can't take the fact that I already have sleep problems, and yet instead of trying to sleep, I put the girls to bed and piddle on facebook...I could be digging into the Word,  the nights I actually rest are the times in which I've spent a good amount of time in Scripture.  Funny how that works. Some other reasons I've needed to "unplug" facebook is because my precious 8 year old looked at me and said, "Mom, its like you live your whole life on your phone..." Now, it does appear this way; if I'm not checking Facebook, I'm texting their father, if I'm not texting their father, I'm searching for directions to ball parks using my phone, searching for school lessons for the next day using my phone, looking up Scripture using my phone, do you see where she is coming from? Bless them, another lie I told myself about all these things is, "you only do this in your spare time..." Spare time?! A Mom does not have spare time, at least, I believe it should be minimal! There is too little time in the world of childhood for me to not actively be in the midst of all things Mady and Mika, even if its just sitting in the playroom floor holding a dadgum Barbie (w/o) my phone logged on!  Alright, Alright, I just deactivated my account, and who knows how long the Lord will guide me to keep it that way. I know He is ready to bring me back to a place where He is who I wake up longing to read about.
Father, I come into your prescence blameless by the blood of the Lamb, but I must confess I have sinned. I allowed "things of this world" to take my eyes off of you and my sweet girls that you gave me as good and precious gifts. I seek forgiveness and thank You that I'm forgiven. Please Father, change my heart, undo the distractions that I've allowed to become habits that don't draw me closer to you.  Rid me of a desire to feel wanted/connected to things of this Earth, this isn't home and its time I start living like it. Thank You Father, Amen.