My precious Mamaw Nita was taken to Danville Hospital last week due to some major dizziness and vomiting. My dad asked me if I wanted to go with him to visit her, but I was cleaning their house and Mika and I weren't "ready" to go in public. I hate myself for excuses I make. But, they ran some tests and sent her home a couple of days later anyway. Why didn't I go visit her at home?
Dad was on call this week and was in her neighborhood and felt he needed to check on her. When he got there she could barely stand to get to the door and was vomiting...he knew something was not right and they called an ambulance...Thank God for placing the feeling on Dad's heart. They ran a brain scan and immediately sent her to Baptist.
Momma took off Thursday and she, Dad, and Tracy went to L.R. Of course, no one suspects bad news...it's not natural...a month ago she was cancer-free. The doctor arrives to speak with the three of them and explains that a very agressive lymphoma has appeared in three masses on her brain. He goes on to explain that surgery is not an option, radiation is not an option, chemo is our only hope and if it does help in three months she'll be in very bad shape. Dad needed a moment and stepped out of the room as the doctor told Mamaw the situation. When Dad re-entered my precious Momma was bent on her knees holding Mamaw's hand and they had tears flowing...Momma was saying, "Nita, you are a strong spunky woman, you always have been, you're gonna get over this." Dad said he'd never forget that moment, seeing my momma helping his. I know that my Momma surpasses that of other mothers. There is no comparison and no one should ever try because their mommas just can't compare. Anyway, with the strong spirit she's always displayed, my darling Mamaw looked at them and said, "I beat this one, I will beat it again."
Mom called me and explained that she did not bring good news. At first when she told me...it didn't sink in. Then all of a sudden tears and memories came. The recollections of sick days at her house with AMAZING breakfasts, listening to her play the piano/keyboard, auctions with huge dill pickles and Papaw Benny and his bass. For some reason, my mind recalls going to a place near a lake listening to them sing El Vira for many people. I remebered all the times I told my friends she was rich simply because she had these bright colored glass vases and figures on display in her living room. Little did I know, she is rich...rich with treasures in heaven. Bringing me to the fact that several times in my life, I've sought spiritual guidance from Mamaw Nita. Ranging from childhood with Zac preaching on the foot of her bed, to why Sydney was born with Downs, to if Kylie Williams went to heaven ( my 6th grade year), to what I was called to be when I grew up...she said I would proclaim God's love and will to others (her words I believe were prophecy). Then as I became a Momma, I would just call to tell her the issues on my heart. Everything from breast-feeding-to stresses of teaching. She always has the right words that just place a peace on my heart. These conversations are not over!!!! Thank-You Mamaw for just listening.
My regrets: Why have I not gone to see her at least once a week? Everytime I run into her I think I should go visit more often. But excuse after excuse passes the days away and now I cry with regret. How dare I? God healed her and brought her home to us one time and still nothing on my part. How can this be?
Dear Lord, I know that your will is to heal my grandmother. She loves you and would be ready to come home to you, but she also has a lot of life left. She trusts that you can and will heal her and I ask that you give her strength during the chemo and a peace on her heart. Wrap angels wings around her to keep the pain at a minimum. Heal the sickness growing in her, Lord. Forgive me for not doing your will...taking care of widows. Be with the doctors, give them your wisdom to do what is best for her. In Jesus Name I ask you to heal this cancer.
Amen
