See You Soon, Daddy!! CHINA has our hero for a month:(

Daddy and His Sweet Loves at LR National Airport

So today, I watched the love of my life walk through security and leave us...To China he goes, on and adventure. Well, as much as he can squeeze in while working! I have a barrage of emotions occurring at the moment and to be real honest, I thought I was stronger. I thought I could send him off and magically turn off the fact that I NEED HIM to remain emotionally stable! I mean, I guess this whole idea of a soul mate is true...my soul is not complete and I'm having trouble maintaining my composure and this is DAY 1!  Seriously, Mika (3yrs) walks up and puts my face in her hands and says, "Momma, you are making me cry...please stop this, you are making me sad....Oh, I miss my Daddy!!!!" Mady cried and finally fell asleep...we are slightly lost! I know my heavenly Father must be disappointed in my weakness, but proud  that I place so much value in this relationship. I know it will get easier and many women face harder goodbyes and I thank my God that Chris is safe and protected and I declare that no weapon formed against him will prosper and that angels are charged on his behalf! And, I praise God that he had a plan for me so early when Chris and I crossed paths in 1999. I can honestly say that I had some strong emotions for him 12 yrs ago but today that has grown into full blown I WANT U, I NEED U, Don't want to wake up without you next to me LOVE!!

Might I add, that this has been hard on Daddy too. The many times he caught me squalling or when I couldn't hide that I had been squallin added to his hurt. Today, his nerves were shot and he needed to get ahold of his emotions a couple of times too. He did so good to not let Mady and Mika see his hurt and I am so proud of the man he is. As we ate dinner last night together we told him what we will miss about him most and then he did the same about us. He will miss Mika yellin "Daddy" when he walks through the door and for Mady it was all the pictures she makes for him and from both their toots and wrestling!! To me, he said my olive shaped eyes, the fact that I love to do his laundry, my ears, and how I rub his back... He choked up while telling us this and that is when I realized he was hurting too.

My Love, you are a strong man who never puts himself before others. You choose to work hard when others wouldn't and you are so good to us.  I cannot tell you enough that God in heaven rejoices in the Man you are. Hold your head up and never forget that your children adore you and will one day understand why you worked so hard all these years. I'm blessed to be your wife, I'm blessed to call you friend...

This is just a little series of couplets that describe my heart at the moment...I do know that this is a blessing and God will bring forth something great from this very trip and I trust that He provides so don't let my "poem" sway your thinking that I know this is a blessing, just in the moment, people question

Is it too late to take it back, to say I can’t watch you walk away

Is it too late to yell your name, and run to your arms the only place I am safe......

You tell me to be strong and I lie and say I will

But you are what I live for so you know I’m not for real.......

Recalling  you smile and hug me close, I hear just what you say

But right now without you here, this memory's too vague.........

I’ve always known I need you, but now I see how much

To see our daughters hurting, I think, what have I done??????

Did we do this all for money and the chance to move on up

Did I know what I was doing as I lifted this prayer up..........

I thought that I was stronger, that I could wave goodbye

The truth is you’re my hero and I’m not okay tonight….

They were so strong in the airport for their Daddy! I was so proud of all of us during this time:)

When we got to the truck, Mika asked, "Why isnt my Daddy driving/" When she realized we were leaving without him, the tears came....

Her heart was devasted...She kept saying, "I love my daddy, I'm gonna miss my daddy."

Her tears ripped my heart out and it is like their Daddy could sense their hurt because he text to check on them at this point.



Mady took this shot of Me and My Love (s).

Daddy has this to look forward to VERY soon:

One more family member who misses Poppa Bear: